Happy Monday!

I have been dragging my feet for a few weeks because I just didn't have anything really positive to talk about in this blog.  I have been in a dark place mentally and emotionally surrounding this vagueness called "getting healthy."  Then I was challenged by someone close and dear to me to write a blog post no matter my mind set because it might help someone else  to read about my struggles.  Then, after that challenge I was challenged by someone else who is very close to me to write a weekly post, again, no matter what mood I am in.  Hhhmm, so I got up the nerve to write and my internet was down....ALL weekend.  So, those of you who know me, know that I then stewed on what I was going to say ALL weekend.  Hahaha!!  So, here I am, and this post isn't going to be very upbeat, you have been warned.

Last night I was on line chatting with a special lady whom God dropped in my lap this summer, and I mentioned something about us humans being like onions and how we have different layers we have to go through.  I mentioned this in reference to me mentioning that this summer I was aware that God was taking me deeper and to new levels and I knew this was going to open up skeletons I needed to deal with around my eating and self control.  She said something very profound, yet very simple:  "Embrace it and move with the waves."  WOW!  I don't know why or how that hit the mark inside my heart, but it so resonated with me!  I woke up this morning and suddenly, writing this blog and dealing with the new layer of skeletons in this area didn't seem depressing or overwhelming.  It was like a bucket of ice water hitting my face.  Yeah, yeah, I know, mind set is half the battle.  I find life very overwhelming lately and this was just one more thing added to my overwhelming life I needed to spend energy on and the feeling of being overwhelmed just well, took over.

I think I mentioned in an earlier post that I was doing just fine until my calorie level went down due to me losing weight.  Since that time I haven't seemed to be able to "get with it" and "stay with it" consistently.  I have been doing some digging and tracking to try to figure out what is going on.  I know that I am a person who eats their emotions. Yet, I thought I had that under control.  The problem was that I knew, all along, what the issue was.  I just wasn't willing to admit or deal with it.  Yeah, well, I am now and all I can say is that I am glad I don't have to look any of you in the eye while I say this.  I binge eat.  The binge eating could be just a bowl of regular ice cream or it could be several things that I am eating when I am not hungry, but I am feeling emotional so I eat.  I am including the example of a simple bowl of ice cream because I love ice cream, but I don't eat regular ice cream most of the time since being diabetic.  So if I am eating even one bowl of regular ice cream and it isn't anyone's birthday, I am eating emotionally.  I eat emotionally.  And I binge eat.  I don't binge eat until I throw up, but I when I am "binging" (that may not be the right word), I am eating even when I know I am full and I have been known to cause stomach aches.  I don't always feel like I can stop eating.   I didn't think I did that anymore.  I thought I had that under control.  Well, I guess I did on one level.  Now, it is time to go deeper and I am seeing sides of me I really want changed.   I have the complication of medications really causing problems with my blood sugar levels thrown in on top of this issue.  I am embarrassed to admit this and as I type this I want to hide my head in shame.  However, at the same time, I have the "embrace it and move with the waves" repeating itself in my head and a peace that only comes from God surrounding me.  Secrecy is a big thing with me.  If I don't say anything then I am not held accountable and then I struggle even more.  Writing this and getting it out there is huge for me.  I know God is walking with me and together, this Goliath will be slayed!!  Getting healthy can't just be your physical health, it also has to include your emotional health as well or the physical won't last.  I know this for a fact!!!